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‘I’m going to be taller than you,’ David, the sixteen year old, challenged. ‘Uh huh, and I care why?’ Richard shrugged. ‘Okay, David, Bee, Tammy, Patty,’ Bernadette barked, clapping her hands to get their attention. ‘Don’t call me that!’ Patrick screamed. ‘Whatever, Patricia,’ David sneered. ‘See? See?’ Patrick screamed. ‘Sorry, Patrick,’ Bernadette said. ‘Come on, dinner.’ Dinner was hot dogs, chili, and macaroni and cheese and Bernadette was an expert at separating the portions so that each child got the right amount and no one child seemed to get more than any other child. ‘You want some?’ Bernadette asked, already fixing Richard a plate. ‘Um, yeah, sure,’ Richard agreed. ‘Okay, what you want to drink?’ she asked, swinging open the refrigerator door. Richard looked at her round little bottom in her cut off jeans. ‘We got strawberry, orange, this stupid grape stuff…’ Bernadette itemized. ‘Hey, I like that grape stuff!’ Patrick screeched. ‘You want some?’ Bernadette asked him. ‘Yes. But, one terrible day, after a long and satisfying life, the sand crab died, in the company of several generations of his offspring and his great friend the mud crab. A veritable pall descended over the mangrove swamps as all the inhabitants strove to come to terms with the passing of the great patriarch.However, as the grieving in the mangroves was reaching its climax, a different climax was happening on another plane of existence. Like all entities, the sand crab was undergoing evaluation as to the worth of his life and, alas for him, the scales of justice came down on the side of the unworthy and he was condemned to hell. His final thought before sentence was executed was: "Oh shit, I dodged the barbeque for all those years & it's finally got me in the end!"But, when he awoke and found himself in the lower regions, it was not what he had been led to believe. No fiery furnaces, no red hot gridirons, no demons with pitchforks! Instead, there was this uniformly grey landscape, gray.
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